At the age of 18 it doesn’t seem like there’s much I should have to worry about or carry at this point. However, my life revolves around responsibilities and social activities of which I would be lost without if I was not carrying the necessary items.
First there’s my bright pink Vera Bradley wallet (bright enough so that I can spot it in my endless purse), my safe haven and treasure chest of goodies that contain such jewels as my driver’s license, not quite sufficient enough to get me into bars; my library card…the jewel that allows me to escape this crazy hectic world into one of surreal tranquility, love and joy; money…the treasured item I never have nearly enough of but am always working for…the item that literally keeps me going, it’s like the one thing you want the most but will never have enough of…however, money doesn’t mean everything to me and I think that’s why I’m ok with never have plenty of it. Life is happier, simpler, and better when there’s little/no money. Or I could just be happy because I always have my debit card to fall back on…that little gem gets me out of trouble when cash bails out on me…or is simply there for me when a new outfit or pair of shoes is undoubtedly necessary…I would literally die without it.
Next there’s my teal Vera Bradley key ring. This tiny compartment holds my ID Card…the symbol of my new life. I would be lost, hungry and cold without my ID card so I make sure to never leave the house without it. On my key ring is the one and only key that matters in my life right now, the key to my dorm… my new place of living where new memories and mistakes have already been made but where so many more are to come.
Around my neck I carry my favorite multi-colored pink scarf…the one piece of home that I can carry around with me at all times without question. It smells and feels like home…relaxing any stresses I accumulate over the hours of the grueling days of classes. If classes aren’t so grueling it’s just there as a safety blanket, holding my head on straight keeping me warm and cozy on the bitter cold of January days, just as my family would be if I were home.
Around my shoulder I carry a bag my roommate gave me for Christmas. In that bag I carry my books…my future. The cause of most of my anxiety here at school. They’re heavy but as I take them out one by one I realize that all of this is not impossible… that little by little I can and will accomplish my dreams and goals. Also in that bag I carry pens, pencils, highlighters and sticky notes. The few simple tools I need to do a job well done. My connection to the world, my 5th limb, if you will lies in the front pocket of that bag…clearly within easy reach so that I’m never too far away. My small black seemingly indestructible cell phone is the cause and cure of most of my anxiety. I wonder if I have missed messages/calls, what my friends are doing while I’m cooped up in the classroom and what’s new on “Facebook”. And while I wait in that classroom which has zero service I can’t focus on anything but those burning questions. I drink water to cleanse my body, keep me rejuvenated, fight hunger, and relax myself. The calmness of the water is contagious and it makes me feel so focused and pure. Once out of the classroom though where the connection to the world has been reestablished, the rest of my anxiety melts away and I am no longer anxious but idle. As idle as the water. Idle and happy about not looking for love/boyfriend but just going with the flow, that I’m finally okay with who am I and who I want to become.
The final thing I carry is my pink bracelet on my left wrist. This bracelet has many of the Catholic religious figures on it…keeping me faithful and strong when I’m feeling hopeless and weak. It reminds me to pray…reminds me to never forget what my knees are for and that my situation is never the worst…when all else fails I look at this bracelet to get me through…all of the things I carry are necessary but this one item is crucially so.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
All three of these entries are superb. You've jumped right into blogging with the ease and confidence of a veteran.
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts about your cellphone--the "fifth limb"--are very expressive. It must be hard for you to imagine a world wherein such things didn't exist, where the desire to connect could not be gratified instantly and at any time. And yet that withholding, that absence, made the sweetness of connecting that much sweeter. That sounds sentimental, I bet, but it's the truth: what was lacking in ubiquity, spontaneity, and ease, was more than made up for in quality and dignity. A handwritten--or even a typed--letter is a far more beautiful thing than a text message. And as for meetings and emergencies, we simply said in person: "I'll see you Thursday at 4 o'clock"--and that was that!
Keep up the very good work.
This blog is awesome ! i especially agree with what you said about money. We're always working and struggling for it yet we never seem to have enough...but money isnt at all the equivlent to happiness. && about being happy with not looking for love/boyfriend is sooo true ! Im just going in the direction the wind blows me and keeping my mind on school & if he happens to come along the way then great.
ReplyDeletethanks for your comments on my blog; It wasnt easy making that comparison for my dad, but im glad i did because it seemed to have helped you and others that read my blog.
<3 mandy.